It’s Rarely The Middle

My one sister might say, it’s rarely the middle child who causes the problems… it is always the oldest or the youngest. I think I will accept that if the youngest sister will, too.

This, however, is not the theory at hand…sisters and siblings in general may create conflict, and I am just illustrating that it is typically the fringe or extremes which drives the dialogue. It is certainly the fringe that is driving the dialogue now.

Why? I guess I think that it is the extremes are what make people pay attention.

  • For example, the weather causing snow in the Sahara Desert while it is warmer in Alaska the very same day.
  • Or, how could there ever be people who are extravagantly rich while others are devastatingly poor.

The bell curve, with the average being the majority, in the middle is rarely what gets attention…they are not the issue.

I can’t help but keep thinking back to the Golden Globes and the endless sharing and re-tweeting of Oprah’s acceptance speech – there is one part that just didn’t go far enough.

For me, that is.

The line in question is towards the end and it has been the overarching perspective of what bothers me the most about the movement.

Keep in mind, I am not against the movement, nor against anyone who is trying to push the Time’s Up agenda. It is a good one. It is time and yet, I think it just needs to be thought of more holistically.

“…And when that new day finally dawns, it will be because of a lot of magnificent women, many of whom are right here in this room tonight, and some pretty phenomenal men, fighting hard to make sure that they become the leaders who take us to the time when nobody ever has to say ‘Me too’ again.”

Just these 5 words:  “and some pretty phenomenal men,”

Really, just some?

I hope that the vast majority of men who were in that room are in support of this movement as leaders “by example,” if not as activist Leaders (with a capital L.)

This movement requires everyone to be professional; of course it requires men to approach their industry and their roles as actors, as well as their role as sons, husbands and fathers, with a strong sense of decorum, too.

At the same time, any woman in the room who isn’t at the forefront should be speaking about the movement and leading by example, both for herself and for others who follow in her footsteps. I am sure many of them are, but many more could be. (I won’t name names.)

The issue is that all people, men and women, those who interact with other humans on this planet, need to be mature, responsible, respectful and speak up for what they want and how they want to be treated – and then for those around them to treat them as they want to be treated.

I – maybe naively – believe that the vast majority of men are not taking advantage of women and that the vast majority of men think that what Harvey and Kevin (and many others) have done, is wrong, deplorable and absolutely unacceptable.

The dialogue can’t be about men. It has to be about men (and women) who break the rules.

The “every day” man who is dedicated to their craft, career, industry and family does not think they should do things outside the norms of society. They have mothers, wives and daughters who they want to make sure are treated respectfully, professionally and with a sense of maturity. Always.

That is our responsibility as humans.

Let’s focus on the edges of the fray, because I believe it’s rarely the middle, who are the problem. I can’t speak to whether or not Oprah knows more insider information about people who were in that room the other day. I do hope that the people in the audience are all in the middle and just trying to make sure that they keep the ones they love close to the center. Close and safe and sound, so that they never have to be part of a hashtag.  Certainly not one as sad as #MeToo.

~ Dawn aka Hat Girl

PS In the sad reality – and I am not giving up – is that there will always be people on the fringe…the extremes of the bell curve are an ancient mathematical fact of society.

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